In the Hospital
It is August 11. I am going to the hospital in about 7 hours. I am anxious.
Yesterday was a very good day. My boys are back and I feel me again. I feel life coming to me as I hear their voices. I like to hear them talk among themselves. They have so many things to talk about and they laugh a lot. Their laugh is like energy points for me.
I had a very good session with Dr. Matthew, the psychosocial oncologist at the hospital. He has been helping me since October 2020, shortly after surgery. Dr. Matthew has accompanied me through the journey, always making excellent points and help me become aware of me, my history, feelings, emotions, misconceptions, all in a compassionate manner. In preparation for whatever procedure will be next or was done recently, Dr. Matthew helps me. I spoke to him in preparation for my next visit to the hospital. I have cried internally and as I walk away in these sessions as I better understand life and the blessings around me. Dr. Matthew seems to be able to read me like a large print book with bullet lists. I learn in every session. Medical oncologists don't always have the time to go over emotional things. They seem to be like busy, yet compassionate mechanics working on the machine that is the human body. In my experience, their language is to the point and mechanical. Dr. Matthew and Dr. Reichmann -who I mentioned in a previous reflection- are an incredible team of superheroes that help me address the why certain things are as they are, and the present that is me, respectively. I feel grateful, blessed, cared for by these two doctors. I have been learning and understanding the effects of cancer in my life and adjusting to live a better life with Dr. Matthew's direction. I have learned to appreciate how fortunate I am to be able to breathe life under the generous and kind direction of Dr. Reichmann. They help me translate the mechanical diagnosis into terms that I can carry with me with peace. I am so blessed.
In a few hours, I will be at the hospital curious to see what is next after today's procedure. I learned to be curious about the machines that helps doctors make decisions. I am in awe of the technology available to me and the tremendous effort to get to this point in the last few decades. I am the beneficiary of countless lives, surely sleepless nights, many emotions, perseverance, and dedication by many medical staff, patients and their families. The book The Emperor of all Maladies, that I mentioned previously, is an amazing account of the effort to help me today as I visit the hospital. I am humbled and grateful.
Yesterday, I was also very blessed that a group of angels in my daily Rosary group dedicated prayers for me, and in particular for my team of doctors, nurses, and medical staff that helps me and cancer patients. It was a great way to start the day. I am looking forward to our next prayer in about 2 1/2 hours.
Also, yesterday was the birthday of my good friend Azure who I have admired and drawn inspiration from for many years. I treasure every written exchange, meeting in person in various places in Asia, every conversation, the kindness of her voice, words, heart and support. I have been very impressed by her entrepreneurial spirit, creativity, and I have treasured her company in various speaking engagements and conference where she came to accompany me and I enjoyed very much spotting her in the audience. I remember our last session in a conference in South China as I was about to leave Asia and the taxi that was to increase our distance for years to come. I remember a visit in the middle of a storm when I lived in an island off the coast of Hong Kong. We met shortly before my December 19, 2019 diagnosis in Hong Kong and I was very happy. I recall vividly that when the doctor pronounced the diagnosis as if I were a car at the garage, I thought of my boys first, and then I thought of my good friend. She is a person that I wish I could see again and I was sad that at the time, I thought that I wasn't. I am happy to have met such remarkable people in my journey. I have drawn inspiration and life to know them. I was impressed recently as my she started to write to me in the language of my mother as she moved to Europe. That would be her fifth fluent language in my account, but perhaps more. I also enjoy her kind words and photos of her many travel adventures. Happy birthday, my good friend!
As I prepare for the hospital visit, these are the thoughts that have kept me company over the last few hours. It is almost 5am and I am restless in a peaceful, happy, manner. I am looking forward to saying hello and thank you to the health team that will help me today. My two boys are coming with me and this makes me very happy. We are united in our journeys.
